spinnthecheese
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "spinnthecheese" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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01:41 am
[Link] | i have a new LJ for a new start: seesawed_mind
yeah add me or just read my entries if you wish...mhm.
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02:02 pm
[Link] | rock climbing didn't go too well yesterday. i think it's because i didn't give myself a day to rest in between so i was weaker than usual, but that's ok becuase i'm gonna be busy for the next two days so i won't have time to climb. it was really crowded for some reason. i think it was because of the new problems they put up, but still it was a monday night.
Hm, so there are three birthdays i have to worry about this month. kyle's which is coming up real fast, my sister's which is going to be celebrated a week after his, and marley's at the end of the month. wait...i might not be here for marley's, but i'm sure we'll do something before i leave.
omg college. omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomfg! everything about it is gonna be new and exciting. i can't wait!
i think tomorrow i wanna ask marley to come over and we'll chill for a bit at my house and then we can go up to tilden and paint. yeah that sounds hella fun. oh man oh man i haven't painted in so long i'm excited! i'm really excited today for some reason.
the weather's really nice too!
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10:33 pm
[Link] | Yeah so I felt really good today and still feel good! I left for Berkeley pretty early this morning so that I could get a rockclimbing sessoin in before work and that I did. Bill, Eric, and I climbed for a few hours, and then had a pretty good work out with the weights. It was pretty funny because none of us ever lift weights (besides me on rare occasions because I happen to have weights in my room). We did sets and all that. And we tested how much we could bench press. It turned out that we aren't very good at bench pressing haha. We benched 115... I climbed some pretty good problems today and finished them too so that made me feel really good.
Works has been fun for the past two days. I'm becoming a lot more friendly with my coworkers because I'm more comfortable with them now, it's great. Joking around and having small conversations make the day go by a lot faster. I also picked up 6 extra hours tomorrow. Oh, oh and there's a mandatory meeting on Sunday, but it sounds like it'll be fun because there's going to be a "fashion show" that we're putting on where we'll be wearing the stuff we sell. Looking foward!
I feel really accomplished, woo!
Tags: today
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06:40 pm
[Link] |
And then...
This entry will be short because I have to take a shower and there's not much to expand upon. I visited Zavain at Stanford yesterday, and it was so fucking fun! We had dinner on a really nice, cool street; we played a few games of basketball; we played beer pong; Kyle, Zavian, and I sang obnoxiously with some of Zavain's friends; I played an electric guitar drunk; I pissed of some random Indian friend of Zavain's; we had a very loud, adventurous, joyful, surprising walk back to Z's room; watched tv and chatted; then slept.
Tags: today
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06:24 pm
[Link] |
Lunch
Yesterday...
I drove to Alameda to have lunch with Hannah. We met at a cafe that was pretty cool. I liked how nice it was. The girl working there recognized me from a summer class that I took at the college in Alameda. Weird because I didn't remember her at all, but it felt really nice to know that I stood out in some way. I liked my hot mocha drink. I forget what it's called, but I chose to put strawberry flavoring in it. I didn't like talking to Hannah much though. It was definitely interesting to see her and to talk to her even though I wasn't very talkative. Finding myself bored yet affected by her 'exciting' stories, lunch eventually became quite bothersome.
Things turned out pretty much exactly how I had expected. She was going to tell me that she and Jessica broke up, she was talking to tell me about new guys, I was going to give her her birthday gift (which I really enjoyed making), and it was going to end in a rather distant manner. I never wanted to hug her, but I guess she assumed I did, or maybe hugs are just generally a friendly gesture. So do I have things between her and me figured out? Feels like it, and she probably has things figured out also.
I also noticed when I visisted her LJ not too long ago that she has written public entires every now and then. The last entry containing what I would view as a more personal topics. It concerned guys and stuff, which bugs me because I feel like she intentionally made the entry public. But, I might be overanalying and placing myself higher in importance than I should in which case would make me seem cocky which is bad.
Honestly, I really didn't want to hear long, detailed stories about how she met guys this summer. That's cool, but I really didn't want to hear it, and she Should have seen that. Faking a smile here and there, I sat there confused about how I should be feeling about hearing all this. Hurt I was but with irrational reasoning. Irritable and angry I also was for a few hours after our meeting, but I'm way over it now. I think it's awesome how she can attract guys, but I'm starting to think that in order to actually have created closer relationsihps with guys, she must've had intention to. Here is where I stop because I'm speaking my mind too freely and my thoughts are jumbled right now anyways.
All in all, I never want to see her again. I have nothing more to gain nor learn from her, and she interests me in the slightest manner. And though I still care about her in some faint way, I hate her more.
Tags: today
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06:00 pm
[Link] |
best survey i've taken in a while
88 Questions People Wouldn't Ask.
1. Whens the last time you ran?
yesterday when i schooled zavain one-on-one
2. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
nope
3. What book are you reading right now?
general psychologocial theory
4. Is your lipgloss poppin?
nah man it isn't poopin
5. When is the last time you saw the person you like/liked?
damn, week ago? it's cool though she's chill
6. What song is stuck in your head right now?
karma police by radiohead
7. Can you dance?
what's your definition of dance? i can move around and enjoy myself sometimes
8. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
yee!
9. What's your favorite commercial?
iono i like beer commercials because they're funny
10. What are you allergic to?
notihng really
11. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?
no i wouldn't
12. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would you do?
i usually don't like people at my house on my "lazy days" thank you very much
13. Who last grabbed your butt?
dunno
14. Have you ever been on your school's track team?
nope, i wish
15. Do you own a pair of Converse?
no
16. Who did you copy and paste this survey from?
friend of a friend
17. do you eat raw cookiedough?
never tried it sounds good right now though
18. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
yee!
19. Don't you hate when the radio ruins good songs by playing a bad one right after it?
this is why i hate the radio most of the time
20. Do you like ice skating?
yeah it's fun, but i'm not very good at it
21. Do you watch Trading Spaces?
nope
22. When's the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
last night probably
23. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone?
most likely
24. Are you cocky?
only around people i don't like or feel threatened by
25. When/why is the last time you yelled at someone?
iono
26. Who is the last person you hugged?
i don't keep track, hugs are like saying "hi" to me
27. When's the last time you got wet, besides showering?
i got wet when i saw your mom
28. Can you name five songs by The Beatles?
blackbird, let it be, for no one, yesterday, norwegian wood
29. What is your mood right now?
happy, excited, thinking i need to sleep to make up for last night
30. Could you live without a computer?
i could live but not very happily
31. What color is your cell phone?
black
32. Do you like your life?
oh fo sho
33. What are you doing today?
i got off work a little bit ago and my buddies are coming over
34. How tall are you?
5' 8"
35. Are you in high school?
nope!!!!
36. Who is the last person that commented you?
dunno
37. Elaborate on your default photo.
it looks cool to me
38. Three words to describe your display name.
short er name
39. What is frustrating you right now?
nothing
40. What did you do last night?
went to stanford with kyle and derek and played beer pong with zavain and his friends and just kicked it for the rest of the night
41. Who last texted you?
don't get em
42. Has anyone called you today?
yeah
43. If so, who?
um bill, dad, eric
44. What do you wear to bed?
boxers
45. Is anyone on your bad side now?
yee!
46. What jewelry are you wearing?
necklace. i need my fucking bracelet back from nikki's grandma's house.
47. What's the first thing you do when you get online?
aim
48. Do you actually hate anyone?
yes
49. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
no
50. How do most people spell your name?
i get silvester, sylvestor, silvestor a lot
51. Would you wear your boyfriends/girlfriends clothes?
yeah fo sho
52. Have you ever performed by yourself for a large audience?
yeah, piano and stuff in elementary school
53. Ever been awarded money?
from parents
54. What is the last thing you did in a bathroom?
checking out my 12 pack in the mirror
55. What makes you truly happy?
love
56. What are you doing tomorrow?
climbing
57. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?
no
58. What pants size do you wear?
30 or 32
59. Would you rather sleep by yourself or with someone?
mostly myself
60. Will you keep your last name when you get married?
yeah
61. When's the last time you left your house?
this afternoon
62. When did you last have cake?
iono
63. Do you think Myspace is copying Facebook?
idc
64. What are you really bad at?
golf
65. When is the last time you gave money to a homeless person?
aw man stop guilt tripping me
66. How many people do you hate?
1
67. Do you return your cart?
i do now because of these surveys keep asking me this question, haha. i finally gave in.
68. Who were you with last night?
buds
69. Do you have a dishwasher?
yee!
70. What noise do you hear?
fan
71. Would you survive in prison?
probably not after watching those prison gang videos
72. Who did you last get really annoyed with?
hannah
73. What is the last thing that made you laugh?
people at work. it was really fun today! yay
74. What is the funniest video you've ever seen?
a lot of family guy videos are good
75. Have you ever made a movie?
yeah, crappy ones
76. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
no brainer!
77. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
never
78. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
iono a lot
79. What is your cat's name?
pussy
80. Whats the last thing you ate?
ez mac
81. Can you legally vote?
oh yeah
82. How many languages can you count to five in?
3
83. Where do you live?
dubtown ca!
84. What's your middle name?
85. Where is your cell phone?
next to me
86. Is your phone on vibrate or ring?
rinnnng!
87. What brand are your pants right now?
levi
88. Ever been to Georgia?
yeah, my dad's entire family lives there
Tags: surveys
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11:27 am
[Link] | 1.) If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:
car, extra shoes, sunglasses, and a blunt
2.) I have an irrational fear of:
letdown
3.) What type of food do you eat at your grandparents house?
vietnamese
4.) What weight were you when you were born?
25 lbs
5.) What would you do if you were stranded on an island with the person you hate most?
um, i'd still hold a grudge against them and hope they die before me. yeah it's that bad.
6.) What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
i'd be very hurt, and try to look at things from a different, less painful perspective, and hopefully work things out. cheating might even be normal/expected to me now.
7.) Do you talk to anyone you dont know on myspace?
no
8.) I find the thought of childbirth:
don't think about it usualy
9.) Next door to my house is:
some girl my friends think is really hott
10.) My feet are:
tan
11.) My preferred style of jeans is:
fit
12.) Why is your #1 your #1?
what
13.) Know how to cook?
barely
14.) I am annoyed with:
ugh, the situation i've created for myself, oh and my sore arm.
15.) What is the worst way you were dumped?
"on aim." was amanda's response. haha my bad
16.) What child-related smell do you not like?
diapers
17.) What sea creature scares you?
sharks
18.) What color hair do most of the people you are around have?
black
19.) What object have you broken most recently?
nothing recently, and i hate when i break things!
20.) Name one of the spice girls:
Baby, she was so hot
21.) What was the last thing to make you cry?
shit i dunno, i kind of cried last friday, but i'm affraid it might've been a lot of acting
22.) What are the stems on wine glasses for?
iono? to look fancy?
23.) My favorite shoes are:
my emericas
24.) Can you use chopsticks?
yeah fo sho
25.) Do you prefer beaches or forests?
forests but beaches are nice too
26.) What serial killer do you find most disturbing?
i don't know
27.) Who knows a secret or two about you?
i don't tell my real secrets
28.) Have you ever burned yourself?
don't think so, not to seriously at least
29.) Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
no one i hope
30.) Who is your hero[s]?
my parents
39.) Where is your sister right now?
she's on the freeway on the way to berkeley
40.) Do you believe in things that last forever?
no (cool question)
41.) What are you listening to?
my computer's hovering noise
42.) What do you smell like?
me
43.) Are you married?
no
44.) Who regularly tells you they love you?
no one
46.) Do you have any bad habits?
yeah, i change my mind about things a lot.
47.) Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
briefly
48.) What is one thing you've learned about life?
i'm supposed to say something cheesy...umm
i guess i learned that you shouldn't trust anyone but yourself
49.) What's your favorite color?
don't have one
50.) Have you ever been stuck in an elevator?
nope
51.) What does your dad call you?
quy
52.) Has anyone told you that they like you more than a friend lately?
yeah
53.) What are you looking forward to?
rockclimbing today, bbq this saturday, jet skiing, and to talk to bill about camping!
54.) How are you today?
pretty good, but my mind's a bit distracted
Tags: surveys
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11:51 am
[Link] | Here is the cd that I made Marley a few days ago. It took some time, but I really like it. There was a focus on lyrics, well somewhat.
Friend Is a Four Letter Word 3:22 Cake To 2 7/20/2007 11:14 AM
Creep 3:56 Radiohead 5 7/20/2007 11:17 AM
Self Esteem 4:18 The Offspring My 3 7/19/2007 1:46 AM
Fake Plastic Trees 4:50 Radiohead 4 7/19/2007 1:51 AM
Cannonball 5:10 Damien Rice Lovely 2 7/19/2007 1:56 AM
Obstacle 1 4:11 Interpol 6 7/19/2007 2:00 AM
Doin' Time 4:12 Sublime Candy Cane 4 7/19/2007 2:04 AM
Everyday I Love You Less and Less 3:37 Kaiser Chiefs 3 7/19/2007 2:08 AM
Last Night 3:15 The Strokes <3, 3 7/19/2007 2:11 AM
9 Crimes 3:37 Damien Rice 17 7/19/2007 2:15 AM
I Want You Bad 3:25 The Offspring Sly 4 7/19/2007 2:18 AM
Is This Love 3:51 Bob Marley 5 7/19/2007 2:22 AM
Lovesong 3:28 The Cure 3 7/19/2007 2:26 AM
Knives Out 4:16 Radiohead 4 7/19/2007 12:07 AM
Delia´s Gone 2:17 Johnny Cash 2 7/18/2007 11:27 PM
Run 5:55 Snow Patrol 2 7/19/2007 2:33 AM
Going Away To College 2:59 Blink 182 3 7/19/2007 2:36 AM
I Will Follow You Into The Dar 3:09 Death Cab For Cutie 5 7/19/2007 2:39 AM
Dont Go Away 4:48 Oasis 4 7/19/2007 1:30 AM
Tags: music
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11:38 am
[Link] |
Last Night (also a cool song by The Strokes)
I had the craziest set of dreams. These two dreams might be the most intense I've ever had. In one dream I couldn't stay awake while driving, and I was way too tired to switch on my headlights even though I was making my best effort too. Then I my car fell down a hill, but somehow appeared back up at the top with the front of the car hanging over. Then, magically, I was in the mansion that was apparently at the bottom of that hill. I wasn't supposed to be in there so I was extremely paranoid and had to get out. The butler saw me sneaking around upstairs so he slowly advances on me. I scanned the room for the darkest area possible, but failed miserably and ended up laying down on the floor hoping that he wouldn't see me. He walked right past me, and I got up and choked him from behind to my own demise. He overpowered me and choked me and I woke up. But before I woke up I was in he had put in in a position where I felt like I was hopeless, feeble, and inferior...all of which I hate.
My second dream, fuck I remembered it two minutes ago. Well I think it had to do with some fight.
Tags: dreams
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10:02 pm
[Link] | I feel so terrible right now. So many things seem to be going wrong. I don't know what I want. One wrong thing which started it all is that I broke up with Marley, and now I want her back but then again I don't. I'm frustrated, confused, and depressed. I'm burning up inside and out just sitting her thinking about how thing's aren't right. I wish I were emotionless. I wish my heart was gray and my brain never tried to see more than just straight lines. I can't take it. She's right, I need to sleep on it to clear my head. I always try to take care of things right away. Like when you get a cut: you bleed, you hurt, and immediately you think of ways to ease the pain, ways to make Yourself feel better. I'm doing that. I've considered and then actually gathered the fucking nerves to ask her to take me back. No, I'm not here again, no. She says she doesn't know, and then without a doubt the following moment, my brian thought up a way to get myself out of the situation I had just created. I didn't actually want to get back together, or did I? So I tell her "don't take me back. I want you to turn me down." I told her that my emotions are have no pattern, they rise when they want and they fall when they want; they love you when they want, and they'll treat you like you're barely significant to me the next second. Well, I didn't say that much, but I gave her the general idea. I told her from the beginning to not like me too much. I don't want to hurt her. I felt like shit, absolute Shit, when I got home because I hurt her. How can someone hurt someone else without feeling remorseful? Is it even possible? Not for me. I can't watch anything hurt, it hurts me too. And how I went from liking her the morning of the same day to not liking her and deciding that I wanted to break up with her? I have no clue.
I actually can't remember most of what I just wrote. I should lay down or something, but I'm driving myself insane. Why am I feeling this way. Maybe becaues I've been "happy" for too long? Crash!
Tags: emo
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11:33 pm
[Link] | 1. How do you feel about the second to last person who kissed you?
ew
2. Whats bothering you right now?
nothing really
3. Will you ever kiss the last person you kissed again?
fo sho
4. Whats in your wallet?
ha, ten bucks, cards, and papers
5. Wallpaper on your computers desktop?
audi r8
6. Background on your cell phone?
rx7 fc3s
7. Next time you will kiss someone?
tomorrow
8. Where was your default picture taken?
in my room
9. Eyes:
amber
10. Life:
sweet
11. House:
chill
12. Doing this weekend?
going to the lake to jet ski!
13. wearing?
blue jeans, white t shirt
wheres number 14?
15. If you couuld have one thing right now, what would it be?
a billion bucks
16. Listening to?
nothing
17. Have you ever kissed anyone named patty?
nope
18. What do you smell like?
me
19. Eating?
nothing
20. On your bed, what is your favorite thing?
thin blanket
21. Do you believe in a soul mate?
no
22. What do you wear to bed?
boxers
23. Do you remember your dreams?
not usually
24. Do you burn easily in the sun?
nope
25. Have you ever been gambling?
yes not in casinos or anything though
26. Whats something you wish you could understand better?
politics
27. What did you do last weekend?
don't feel like trying to remember
28. Who do you miss?
no one
29. Who is the last girl you hugged?
marley
30. orange or apple juice?
both, but i'd like some apple juice right now
31. Who was the last person you went somewhere with?
kyle and eric
32. Have you ever kissed anyone on your top friends?
don't have one
33. Last time you ate a home grown tomato?
2 years ago
34. Whats was the last thing you drank?
berry juice
35. Who's house did you go to last night?
no one's
36. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
grandma?
37. Do you like someone right now?
yes!
38. What do you wear more? slacks, jeans, or sweat pants?
jeans
39. what is the last movie you watched?
girl, interrupted, wait, was it transformers?
40. Name 3 drinks you drink regularly.
fruit juice, coke, energy drinks
41. What are you excited about?
tomorrow
42. Do you want someone you cant have?
nope
43. who was the last to slap your butt?
iono not too ango though
44. where was the last place you went?
kyle's
45. whats on your mind right now.
calling marley back
46. whos car were you in last?
mine
48. is taking a shower a daily habit?
maybe it's a habit
49. are you on AIM right now?
no
50. When is the last time you played a computer game?
long time ago
Tags: surveys
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11:57 pm
[Link] | 1. Your ex and you = iono which one
2. Listening to = bob marley
3. Maybe I should = be more decisive
4. I love = my little sister
5. Chocolate is = tasty when you bite it
6. I don’t understand = what is wrong with my brain
7. I have lost my respect for = people i guess
8. I last ate = two (2) chimichangas
9. The meaning of my display name is = well i got this myspace and my name is Optimus Prime there. he's the super destructive cool dude from Transformers
10. God = not for me.
11. Someday = i won't be on myspace.
12. I will always remember = my bike fall(ha, i'm erasing Adis' answer as i'm doing this and they're so silly!)
13. Love does = painness, happiness, completeness, confusionness, confidenceness
14. You never ever want to lose = myself
15. My MySpace is = ugly
16.Tomorrow I will = i'm waiting for someone to call me back so i can decide
17. I get annoyed when = i can't undo something, like a knot.
18. Parties = where you get crunk
20. Simple kisses = more meaningful
22. I wish = i could fly
IS YOUR / ARE YOU...
01. is your hair wet?: no
02. is your cell phone right by you?: yeah
03. do you miss someone?: nope
04. are you wearing chap stick?: no, i should though. thanks for the reminder!
05. are you tired?: a little bit
06. are you wearing pajamas?: um, what i consider pajamas, yes.
08. are you mad?: crazy
09. are you upset?: no
HAVE YOU...
01. recently done anything you regret ? ummmmmm *thinks really hard* no
03. ever stuck gum under a desk?: yeah, it felt really bad
04. ever kicked someone?: yeah
05. ever tripped over your own feet?: yeah
TODAY HAVE YOU...
01. have you cursed?: probably
02. have you gotten mad at someone?: yes actually
-RANDOM-
Q: is there a person who is on your mind right now?: "Alma's always on my mind." (haha adis)
yeah there is someone on my mind
Q: do you have any siblings? yep, a little sister.
Q: do you want children? i'm not sure yet
Q: do you smile often? mhm!
Q: do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? nope
Q: do you like your handwriting? not one bit. i'm still working on it.
Q: are you a friendly person? yeah
Q: whose bed other than yours do you sleep in?: no one's
Q: what color shirt are you wearing? grey
Q: what were you doing at 7pm yesterday? walking around Lake Merrit :]
Tags: surveys
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09:14 pm
[Link] |
Perfect:
Jealous Guy by John Lennon
Current Mood:  nostalgic
Tags: emo
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12:43 am
[Link] | 1. I've come to realize that my last kiss was...
beautiful
2. I am listening to..
damien rice
3. I talk...
iono i have trouble talking like actually. i even go crazy sometimes over it.
4. I love...
life right now
5. My best friends are...
cool
6. My car is...
so clean inside out
8. I hate it when people ask...
people i don't like
9. Love is...
wonderful
10. Marriage is....
something i don't want to think about now
11. Somewhere, someone is thinking...
why am i even alive?
12. I'm always....
searching for interesting people
13. I have a secret crush on...
no one
15. My cell phone...
on
16. When I wake up in the morning...
i turn on music to wake myself up
17. When I go to bed at night...
i move a lot in order to get comfy
18. Right now I am thinking about...
how good the song i'm listening to is, he keeps singing "i can't take my eyes of of you..."
19. Babies are...
cute to look at but are a lot to handle
20. I get on myspace....
to look for surveys like this and to keep in touch with people who don't have facebook
21. Today I...
had lots of fun
22. Tonight I will..
sleep very nicely because i feel good
23. Tomorrow I will...
relax at home
24. I really want to...
think of something fantastic to do with marley
Tags: surveys
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12:15 am
[Link] | so i've been having memory lapses since towards the end of the school year. well, i think i do at least. i've been having trouble remembering simple things such as what i ate, what i did, what i'm supposed to do, and many other small things. it's making me nervous. what might be the cause? am i not paying enough attention to things i do or did something cause my mind to become so forgetful. it frustrates me because it scares me. i'm suspecting that it might have to do with drugs, but ugh, there's no way of finding hard evidence for such thing as i have previously researched.
SO, to cope with this state, I'm going to start having entries tagged "today" where I'll be writing summaries of what I've done throughout the course of a day. I've thought about creating a comletely different journal for this, but we'll see.
___
I had so much fun today! Marley came over today. She came late, but that's no surprise, she's usually late. now i'm over the part where i'm really nervous about showing her my house. and then we left around 4:00 to go toys r us. that was cool. we looked at a lot of toys and stuff... and then we went to target and looked at stuff. and then we got lunch, which was so delicious. she wanted quiznos, and i got the yummiest burger ever. then we drove down to oakland and then walked around lake merrit (yes the entire thing!), but with nice breaks in between. and then we got starbucks. the best frap flavor ever is raspberry mocha, yummmm. and then that was the end of my day.
ugh, i'm falling for her.
Tags: today
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11:13 am
[Link] |
I can't think of a title.
I'm really tired this morning. I don't like the feeling so far, but maybe i'll feel better after i turn on some music and take a shower. Marley is coming over in a bit, but i'm really nervous about that. I don't know what we're going to do.
I've already met a few people from my dorm hall. Well, met them online, and chatted on aim. None of 'em really intrest me that much though...like they're just people. There was this one girl that I briefly chatted with until the bitchy RA told us to go to bed, and she seemed really interesting. She said she's majoring in art, but wants to change her major already. She also mentioned that the night before orientation she stayed up all night partying, ha. But i'm aware that I'm being way too critical...already. That's not how you make friends! Oh and I got my hall assignment. I'm in one of the smaller residence halls; there are only 78 people in mine supposedly.
I'm going to start decorating my closet walls. I'm gonna paint most the walls and make collages around, on top, under, etc the paint too. I hope I'll finish before the end of summer.
01. Raised in: Oakland
02. Planned baby: yes
03. Birth date: December 26
04. Any siblings: little sister
05. Hair color: black
06. Hair length: iono
07. Eye color: amber
08. Shoe size: ten
09. Mood: anxious
10. Current Smell: stinky
11. Height: 5'8"
12. Lefty/righty: righty, but i wanna be a lefty
LOVE LIFE:
01. Do you remember your first real relationship: yes
02. Do you believe in love: i don't see what's so hard to believe about it because it's just a feeling but yes.
03. Why did your last relationship fail: i can't even beigin explain it adequately because i still change my mind about this, but i think because she was just way too unstable and couldn't be in a relationship and i was way too controlling because of insecurities and fear of losing her
04. Shortest relationship: week? 2 weeks? iono
05. Have you ever been heartbroken: sure
06. Have you ever fallen for your best friend: no
07. Have you ever told them: no
08. Are you afraid of commitment: i should be, but I'm not
09. You ever had a secret admirer: iono
10. Do you believe in love at first sight: no
11. When was the last time you had sex: i have sex with the hookers that i cop of them streets every single night, duh.
12. Who was it with: hooker
13.Was it good? could've been better
14. Would you do it again? EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!
my note: who ever made this survey just wants to wack off looking at people's responses to the last 5 quesitons...perv.
THIS OR THAT:
01. Love or money: love
02. Hugs or kisses: both
03. One night stands or relationships: relationships
04. Television or internet: internet
05. Pepsi or coke: pepsi
06. Wild night out or romantic night in: romantic night for the most part
07. Colored or black and white pictures: colored...b & w is becoming too trendy
08. Phone or in person: in person
09. Aim or myspace IM: aim
HAVE YOU EVER:
01. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? nope
02. Have you ever skinny dipped?: nope
03. Have you ever done something you regret?: uh of course
04. Have you ever bungee jumped? nope
05. Have you ever been on a house boat? nope, sounds fun though
06. Have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker? yah
07. Have you ever wanted someone so badly it hurt? yes
08. Have you ever been streaking? nope
09. Have you ever run away? no
10. Have you ever caught your parents doing it? again...perv.
RIGHT NOW:
01. Are you missing someone right now? i can't tell
02. Are you listening to musik? yes
03. Are you talking to anyone right now? nah
04. Are you bored right now? not at all
05. Are you German? no
06. Are you Irish? no
07. Are you French? no
08. Are you Italian? no
09. Are you Norwegian? I'm not any kind of white!
10. Are you Indian? and no
11. Are your parents still married? yes
12. What's your greatest joy in life?: iono
OTHER:
04. Which friend can you tell everything to? i don't tell any one friend everything. i tell cetain friends certain things
05. Do you have a low self esteem? iono i'm self conscious a lot
06. Do you get depressed about things easily? not easily
07. Do you live life to the fullest? this question is so stupid, and i don't like whne people are like Hi, I'm Andrea and I'm living life to the fullest!!!
08. Are you comfortable with the way you look? sometimes
09. How do you dress? changes often
10. Are you scared of growing up old and alone? whoa i've never thought of this before. yeah that does sound scary though.
11. What do you want to be when you grow up? i'm not sure right now, but i wanna go to law school. that's as far as i'm looking ahead.
12. Do you prefer indoors or outdoors? OUTDOORS
13. Favorite season? whatevs
14. Do you like walking in the rain? yeah
OTHER THINGS:
1. Who was the last one in your bed besides you? my tiger
2. Do you like anyone? yeah, a lot.
3. What would you do if someone asked you out? i'd be like bitch, please. haha iono? no one's gonna ask me out any time soon.
4. Would you die for someone? no
5. Do you think that person would do the same? who?
6. Do you hate someone right now? yes
7. What are you most scared of? losing people i love as Kat said
8. Last person to say they loved you? wow, adam.
9. Do you like to cuddle? yeah sure
10. Last one...did you like this survey? No, sorry
Current Music: boys don't cry by The Cure
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02:15 am
[Link] | Work went so well today. It was a little awkward at first, but I was making a huge effort to look comfortable and it worked. I helped a lot of customers, and chatted with co-workers. The girls there are super nice. The guys today weren't so much, but they were still cool. It felt really long though; I worked six hours. I was even getting compliments from co-workers! and it was only my fourth day at work. I'm really happy that I'm starting to memorize where things go.
Ha, so I really enjoyed putting back the dresses. The dresses are the kind that I really like. They're the Summer/Spring kind. Like below the knee length and flowery designs and such. I didn't realize that we carried so many of them.
Marley helped me find the song that I had stuck in my head the entire day but didn't know the title of. It's "Amber" by 311. I learned on guitar just a few moments ago also. Things are going really well between her and me again. We've been having really long phone conversations really late that are actually pretty enjoyable. I'm starting to think that it's really me. I've been giving her a lot more power in the relationship hoping that it'll make it work better, and I think it has. I find that when I feel like I need reassurance is when I like her, but when I Know that I have her, I start to slip. So I've been worrying for the past few days, which is good I guess :/. I hung out with her, Bill, and Gabe the other day, and she didn't get angry at all that I wasn't giving her constant attention. I like that so much about her. We also regularly talk about guys/girls with each other and neither of us mind. We're seeing transformers tomorrow, yay!
I got a new pair of shoes, and I love them! I love having new shoes. It's really hard for me to find a pair of shoes that I like. Shoes make me more confident too for some odd reason. They make me feel better about myself and less self-conscious.
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01:53 pm
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Wait, wait...
Am I actually feeling sad for the first time this summer?
I might just be really confused.
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01:25 pm
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July 4th, 2007
The day started out a bit slow. Work was cancelled, which really disappointed me because I want the moolah so that I can by my shoe-lah. So I ended up kicking it with Kyle for a while in unreplicable style, and we good vegie food that was plenty good. Then he made me watch plenty of videos some of which had booty shakin' hoes.
After that I got Marley, and we got dinner at In N Out where hella people had spinners and like to shout; we were probably at the ghettoest In N Out in California. It's the one by the Oakland Colliseum. That was pretty good, but was extremeley awkward because sometimes I lacked words. I felt so uncomfortable being with her and even more so kissing her. Everything felt forced for a while, which I didn't like one bit. And I was doing that leg shaking thing because I was nervous. She stopped my leg a few times and asked if I was nervous, and if she was making me nervous in a joking way, but little did she know that she actually was making me nervous. I also felt like I was being a dick to her by making so many sarcastic comments and mean jokes about her, so I asked her if she felt the same way, and she said no. This confused me.
Ok after that we drove to Moraga, and in the car things got better. We had normal conversation, my leg stopped shaking, and there was music in the background. Finding the park where the fireworks show was wasn't hard at all. We had to go out of the way for a bit so that I could find a spot to pee. And then we got situated and just chilled for a while, and that was nice. Then the fireworks were amazing! We were so close to the cannons, like you could see them explode each time they shot a thingy. I had brought my super psychedellic glasses that I got from Michaels, and oh my did those make the show better. I was feeling very friendly with all the people around us because of the good vibes. I offered the glasses to the family in front of me, and observed each person's reaction as the glasses got handed down the line. It was hilarious!
It's starting to annoy me that every entry I write has a part about Marley...
So maybe I shouldn't overact about what's going on. Maybe it's not as bad as I'm making it seem. We hadn't seen each other for a week before yesterday so I asked her if she missed me (not really anticipating any particular response), and she said "ehh, kind of." I smiled inside. She asked me the same, I mocked her and gave an identical response. We chuckled, but I was chuckling in relief. I'm glad that she isn't attatched to me in the dying to see me every single day sort of way. Maybe she isn't attatched at all, so maybe I am wrong about how she feels about me. I like the whole distant relationship thing, but probably only because I don't actually have feelings for this girl. When I'm with her, I don't feel those sensations zooming through every part of my body, that feeling you get right before you drop on a roller coaster in my chest. And when I kiss her, it doesn't make me happier like kisses used to. I think that if I were a simpler guy, and I hope I don't sound conceited for saying this, I'd have an easy time liking her, but I'm not. I have all these emotions, reasoning, and expectations that I look to be satisfied. When I'm with her I feel like I have to simplifly myself in order to enjoy myself more around her. I can't tell if I'm being overly critical, maybe so. Anyways, as of today, I'm going to start distancing myself from her, but keep in the relationship. This way I won't feel as tied down to anything.
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02:48 am
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Do they still make Prozac?
So after watching Prozac Nation I searched the Internet for reviews. I tried Yahoo, IMDB, and Rottentomatoes. Yahoo and IMDB offered me user reviews. The user reviews from yahoo were so disatisfactory to the point that it made me wonder if one can even trust movie review websides and the like. Reviews went something like this: "This movie was awesome because Christina Ricci did a great job in portraying a depressed college student. It's one her best movies! Great! You should see it." Um yeah. I'm looking for more than just that.
Well I began venturing for reviews because I couldn't tell if the movie was good or not. Initially, while watching and upon finishin the movie, I felt like it was a terribly made film with great ideas. I felt like it presented a handfull of fascinating ideas including depression, financial struggles, and family conflicts, but didn't adequately represent these ideas. I felt like they took things that people who have been exposed to symptoms of depression or serious family issues would know about, not to say that I know much about such things, and attempted to portray such issues on a larger scale--a film. But I think it was done poorly, it felt like it was missing a lot of depth that could've been touched on, which irritated me throughout the movie. I also thought the acting was less than mediocre with the exception of Jason Biggs' and Christini Ricci's acting although both could've been better.
One line by Ricci's character stood out to me. I'm going to quote the movie very loosely: "You've never been in love! True love is like life or death." She was describing how she felt about the guy she was in love with. She had, as she said, given him the role of her savior. He gave joy to her life and she loved him and needed him, but if he should ever leave her, she'd die. That's how powerful love is to her. Love's dangerous, but it feels so damn good. It makes me miss being in love. Maybe that's why this part stood out to me because I miss feeling that way. Love's the best feeling in the world, but to be in love you surrender your feelings to the one you love, and if anything should go wrong, you're already in too deep to back out. It's a risk.
Another part that was outstanding, or rather, another idea that was outstanding was the scene where Ricci describes how her medication had changed her. Another loose quote: "I'm doing the right things, and I'm saying the right things, but it's just not me." This scene is where she is presented with the choice of quitting her medication or continuing with it. She wants her true self, the girl with a jagged emotional trends, the girl with the fucked up life, back. I like she was able to identify the changes that she'd gone through since taking the medication. It was truly powerful.
Oh, and I am aware that the movie is based off of the book. Maybe it'll be worth reading? I haven't even gotten as far as I would've liked in Introducing Existentialism or the Freud book I have.
So what's on my mind besides the movie I just watched? The 4th of July, which is actually today. It's 3:12 in the morning. So I've decided to take Marley to In N Out for dinner and then to Moraga to see fireworks. I am actually very much looking forward to this. Marley recommended the movie to me, and it's cool that she did. I like how she told me to see this me when I asked her what I should watch rather than some movie like Pirates or some bad comedy. Taste, it's all about taste, but she still doesn't satisfy my expetations, as self-centered and arrogant as that sounds (actually, it's not supposed to sound mean at all. I just don't know how to convey my thought better).
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I Ever decide what I want. I'm so unstable it's frustrating.
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